We are still in a holding pattern, which is why I've been slow with blog posts. My posts here always happen after I've given some good thought to what I'm going to say, and to be honest, I've not been giving a lot of thought to our fertility journey the last few months. However, we are coming up on a year since our 2016 IVF, and I've come to the unfortunate realization that I'm coming up on 40 (what?!).
Throughout this process we have had times where we are not on the same page. In fact, we are usually on different pages, if not completely different chapters. It's a re-occurring theme requiring some honest conversations to find ourselves somewhere in the middle. Generally our conversations relate to timing, though recently it's been focused on next steps. But the key is that we have those horribly painful honest conversations, and communicate our individual expectations and boundaries. I also want to point out that expectations and boundaries can change over time for each partner, which is why it's important to keep talking.
Another point I wanted to make was that sometimes it's ok to say you no longer want ownership over driving your fertility journey. Typically, in a heterosexual relationship, it's the woman's job to do the research, make the appointments, handle the finances, find the surrogate, and so on. That is a huge burden, especially over time, and especially when you also need to continue to work on being aligned. Sometimes you need to step back and say you need help. If you're both in this together, maybe sharing the workload is a reasonable approach in your relationship. Work together for your shared outcome: a baby. Of course, I recognize that every relationship is different, so do what works for you. But make sure it's a joint decision. You're in this together, for the long run.
