IVF #1

The clinic called this morning and we are good to go right away!

I will be doing the Long Lupron protocol for this cycle. We start Suprefact on cycle day 21 of this cycle (which is February 2) and I'll have my baseline ultrasound on February 19th.

If all goes well, I start my injections on the 19th as well, followed by more bloodwork and ultrasounds every second day to adjust doses as needed. My tentative egg retrieval date is March 3, and we will do a three or five day transfer depending on how the embryos look.

I'm waiting for the pharmacy to call with my final list of medication and the cost. Oh my goodness, the cost. The IVF must be paid for by next Thursday and we are looking at almost $7000. That doesn't include the medication, which will be anywhere from $3000 to $5000. We are hoping our health care will cover some of the cost, but it's tricky, because while they do cover the medications, the don't 'if it's part of fertility treatments'. Stupid.

I am nervous and scared, and when I called Derek this morning to tell him the clinic has us booked in for right away, he sounded the same. We know there are no guarantees, and there are so many emotions going on in my head right now. Excitement, fear, impatience, sadness for Lara, worry that something will go wrong.

Fingers crossed for success with number one, and pray that time flies for the next five and a half weeks (how am I going to deal with an IVF two week wait? Gah!).

Dealing with family babies when you're dealing with infertility

I come from a family of three girls. I am the oldest, and the other two are in their early and mid-20's, both married. My middle sister, as you know, also has infertility issues which were caused by cancer treatments for Hodgkin's Disease when she was a teenager (she had it twice, but has thankfully been in remission for about ten years now). My youngest sister was diagnosed with endometriosis in December 2010 and her doctor recommended that she get pregnant. I know this is one of the 'solutions' for endo, but I was a little WTF? when I heard this.

Anyhow, she went off birth control and got pregnant her first month off the pill. I would never wish infertility on anyone, but at the same time, I was jealous and felt like it was unfair. I found out she was pregnant while I was going through my second of three failed IUI's. I was very emotional and didn't handle it well, though I know her intentions with the way she told me were good. It was just very hard for me, as I'm sure it is for many infertile couples who have friends and family around them having babies, often more than one, while they remain childless.

Leah was born on September 25, ten days after my birthday. I got regular updates during the birth from my parents and saw pictures within a few minutes (the miracle of technology!). Even after her birth, while I was happy for my sister and her husband, I was still somewhat thankful that we lived so far away from each other and I was able to avoid a face to face situation. However, Christmas arrived and Derek and I were heading home for an early Christmas with my family.

I am in a good place right now emotionally, so felt prepared. My other sister told me she had cried when she held Leah the first time, and my mom told me 'when you look at Leah, you will see what your children will look like.' This scared me. How will I react? Will this Christmas be a horrible emotional drain on me? Am I going to devastate my sister? Am I even going to be able to hold her?

When I held Leah for the first time, and every time after that, I was in love. I felt exactly what a happy aunt should feel: love, pride, hope, joy, happiness. She's my little niece, and she fell asleep while I rocked her and she slept on my chest. I look forward to watching her grow up, amaze me with how smart she is, how kind she is, how funny she is. I can't wait for her to drive her mom crazy and call me asking if she can come visit because I'm the fun, cool aunt that takes her skiing and hiking.

And I can't wait to give her a cousin.