20 DPO Beta

I went in for my 20 DPO beta and it came back at....158! So in two days, my beta jumped from 41 to 158, which is a doubling time of around 24 hours. 'They' look for a doubling time of 48 to 72 hours, so this made me a bit more optimistic. However, the number is still low for how far along I should be and we are doing a repeat today. Unfortunately, we won't get the results until Monday.

I did a CBE Digital with Conception Indicator yesterday evening after I got home from my work trip (I was out on a drilling rig all week) and it popped up as 2-3 weeks past conception (so 4 to 5 weeks pregnant) after a 2.5 hour hold, so my beta is still rising. My FRER this morning has the test line darker than the control. All good signs!

But, I'm spotting. I have been for seven days now. It comes and goes, and is enough that I need to wear a panty liner. It started as brown/tan, but about three days ago turned pink/red. I also have mild cramps, which I know are 100% normal as long as they don't get really bad. I am praying for a bleeding cyst or irritated cervix or something and that all is well.

When I call on Monday for my beta numbers I will line up an appointment with the doctor on Tuesday. I'm assuming she'll confirm pregnancy and then give me a requisition for an ultrasound.

Please, everyone, keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I know we have a lot of people doing that already, so all we ask as that you keep doing what you're doing!

Update

My beta came back at 41 (at 18 DPO), which is really, really low. Too low to really think positive, if I'm completely honest with myself. We would have been looking for something between 200 and 300, but 41? No way.

I'll head in for another beta today and will try to post the results tomorrow some time. I'm heading out of town for work first thing tomorrow morning, returning on Thursday night. I'll go in for another beta on Friday and make sure the numbers start going down instead of up. Fingers crossed for a natural resolution to all this - I really don't want to have to take methotrexate or get a D&C!

Thank you everyone for all the support - my real life friends and family as well as my online friends. Derek and I are so, so lucky that we have such a wonderful support system in our lives. You are the reason we get through this!

The universe has to be testing me for some reason.

I mean, if it wasn't, why would I get this FRER at 13 DPO?

Yup, that's a positive pregnancy test. For the sixth time. It's actually pretty decent for 13 DPO, the day before I am supposed to get my period. Excited, I called my doctor and asked for a beta. It was eight. EIGHT! Very low for 13 DPO and likely a chemical pregnancy. In fact, I assumed my beta was on it's way down, which was confirmed the next day when my pregnancy test was lighter. 

Anticipating that the lines would disappear quickly, I continued to test to make sure things were moving in the right direction. Well, they aren't. They're getting darker again, though no where near as dark as they should be. 

Here's my IC progression. From top to bottom (14 DPO - you can only see half of it, 14 DPO pm, 15 DPO pm, 17 DPO pm, 18 DPO am, 18 DPO pm, and today, 19 DPO am):

And my FRER this morning at 19 DPO:

I went in to the ER yesterday and they ran another beta, though there was no use trying an ultrasound as it's way too early. I'm hoping for the beta numbers today, but am obviously planning for the worst. I'm spotting and cramping and am sure the end is near.

The way I see it, the universe MUST be preparing us for something by testing our resilience to horrible circumstances like this. If we can continue to get through these disappointments, one day we'll be rewarded with a child of our own, whether biological or not. That's how I keep looking forward and staying positive. One day it'll be our turn.

Adoption

One aspect of our journey that I haven't mentioned previously is that we are currently looking at adopting a nine year old, should she become available. In the interests of privacy, I'll keep the details minimal for the time being, but S has been in the foster system for a number of years. Her mom will regain custody in August but will essentially be on probation for the time being with close monitoring by the case worker.

Derek and I started thinking about adopting S last December. We've spent a lot of time with her and see her potential (every kid has a lot of potential, in our opinion) and have decided that should things not work out with her mom - this is mom's last chance - we would like to adopt her. To do this, we need to be approved to adopt by the Province of Alberta. This process consists of an initial application, criminal records checks, references, training, interviews and a written report. So far, we have submitted the application, completed our records checks, and our reference paperwork has gone out for completion. We have also lined up our training, which will take place over an evening session, three Saturday sessions, and a Sunday session in August and September, after which our interviews with the case worker start. The original timeline given to us to go through the approval process was six months, and it seems we might finish slightly faster.

We have indicated that should this adoption fall through (which is, obviously, the best case scenario for S, who should be with her mom, if mom can parent successfully) that we may be interested in adopting another child or children. We are unlikely to be able to adopt an infant, which I think we're ok with, and all kids in the public system have some sort of special circumstance, from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome to emotional issues, though we can chose the issues we are willing to work with or not. We would be provided with a lot of support from the public system to help us succeed, which is important to us. This option, however, is still in the distance for us, though it's nice to get this process started now.

That said, we will still be doing our FET in November-ish. Lately I've been a bit depressed about the whole infertility thing, but at the same time, I feel as though I don't want to do any additional IVF's. I'm on the fence, as usual. I'm glad to have the adoption stuff to look forward to!

Failed IVF WTF Appointment and November FET

Being busy has it's benefits, one of which is that I have little time to wallow in my sorrow. I'm less than a week past the end of my last course for my first year of my MA, so have more free time (less homework, yay!) for a few weeks. However, my schedule for July through September is crazy, with trips to the Yukon and Houston for work, Stampede here in Calgary, and one of my favourite activities - camping! Before I know it, it'll be the end of September and I'll be preparing to head to Victoria, B.C. for my three week University residency.

That puts us in November for our FET. We finally had our WTF appointment for our failed IVF in March/April. Dr. Foong went over the embryologist report with me and we discussed why I had so many poor quality eggs. Looking at the report, the majority of my eggs were rated at a 3 (1 is good, 2 is moderate, 3 is poor quality), a few were 2's, and only two were 2+. No 1's. I asked about the protocol and it's contribution to the poor egg quality and she explained that while the protocol would have recruited more poor eggs, they were poor in the first place. The protocol can't cause poor eggs. I'm not 100% convinced and need to do a bit of research on this before we look at another IVF.

We found out that our two frozen blastocysts are rated 4BC and 5BB. The first number relates to the quality of the overall structure of the embryo and is a 1 - 5 scale, with 1 being the poorest quality and 5 the best. The first letter relates to the quality of the 'embryoblast', the part that turns in to the baby, with C being poor and A being good. The final letter relates to the quality of the 'trophoblast', which is the bit that turns in to the placenta, and again, C is poor, A is good. Overall, these two would be called 'medium quality' blasts. Dr. F is recommending we thaw both, hope they survive the thaw, and transfer whatever we get.

Derek and I have decided that while we are both ready to pursue another IVF, we're going to hold out hope for this FET and focus on that for now. I'll still do some research on our options (we still haven't done our testing for Dr. Sher yet), but at this point it's a bit overwhelming, so it's best to take a small step back for now.

In other news, we've submitted our preliminary paperwork to the Province of Alberta to start our home study for possible future adoption of a foster child. We have one child in mind right now (that's another story in itself!), but if that falls through, it'll be good to have already completed this process once we're ready to move on, if it comes to that.

Phone consultation with Dr. Sher at the Sher Institute for Reproductive Medicine (SIRM) in Vegas, baby!

I have long suspected that something other then 'unexplained' infertility was preventing us from getting pregnant and carrying to term. Luckily, I know a number of wonderful, knowledgeable women at Fertility Friend who have similar issues and who have undergone immunological testing and immune infertility specific treatments with success. These women helped to educate me on the possible immune issues we might have and led me to ask more questions. There are a few clinics in the United States that study immune system problems in infertility, but few, if any, in Canada. For that reason, Derek and I decided to schedule a phone consultation with Dr. Sher at SIRM in Las Vegas, which happened this afternoon.

This is a summary of what Dr. Sher had to say:

1) My IVF protocol through the Regional Fertility Clinic was incorrect. They started me on a low dose of Gonal-F and quickly increased it (because I wasn't responding well enough), which can cause poor egg quality. Considering we harvested 17 eggs, but only four made it past day three, there was likely something wrong with the eggs. Considering my youth (that was nice to hear!) and all my normal bloodwork, the poor egg quality was due to environmental factors, which Sher thinks relate to the protocol.

2) He is recommending immunological testing for Natural Killer cells as well as antithyroglobulin and antimicrosomal (both relate to anti-thyroid antibodies) for me and DQ Alpha and HLA genetic matching tests for Derek and I to check for genetic matching issues (which essentially means we share too much similar genetic material). These tests are not available in Canada, so we have to go through a lab in Calirfornia. Once I know what this entails, I'll update.

3) He does not recommend genetic testing of the embryos prior to transfer at this time (a relief, this is very expensive).

4) We qualify for the two IVF shared risk program. I will get the cost details from 'Sharon' tomorrow afternoon, but the jist of it is that the first IVF costs about 20% to 30% more then a typical IVF package. Should that IVF fail (or we miscarry), transfer of any frozen embryos for that cycle is free. Should that fail (or we miscarry), another IVF and FET is also free (likely not including med's, but still a huge savings).

I agree with everything he had to say and am glad our thoughts are in line. I have to say, he is a talker, and I couldn't get a half a sentence in edgewise, but all in all, I'm happy with the consultation. He also kindly assured me that this consultation, as well as the follow up after we do the immunological testing, is free of charge. We do not pay anything until we start a cycle with his clinic.

Hopefully the prices aren't too outrageous and this is something that might work for us! I will update when I know more.

Taking a Break (Cycle 50!)

Here I am, Cycle Day 1 of cycle 50 - I can't believe we've been actively trying for 50 cycles! This was my first full cycle post failed IVF and my period was about five days late, which is typical. Of course I tested. Stark white BFN's, as expected, and AF is on in full, painful force this morning.

Derek and I have been doing well since the IVF, and feel like we still have options. We're planning to do the FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) in the fall, either in September, before I leave for University, or in November, after I return. We've talked about what we might do after that, should the FET fail, and we are of differing opinions. I was set to move on to adoption, but Derek is pretty sure he wants to do at least one more IVF, if not more. We're looking at switching clinics - either the Victoria Fertility Clinic or the Sher Institute in Las Vegas - if we decide to move forward with more cycles. We have time to decide, and a summer full of trying to focus on ourselves again.

We arrived home from a much needed vacation in Hawaii last week (we went with my parents, and my middle sister, Lara, was there for part of the trip too) and head to Penticton, B.C. for a ten day cycling camp on May 11. Vacations are fantastic at cheering a person up! Not to mention a loaded assignment schedule for University and our ongoing house renovations (which WILL happen this year!). I appreciate my busy life more at times like these - it's not as if I'm avoiding thinking about the failure, it's more like I'm able to process it in bits in pieces while looking forward to other things. I'm not letting infertility rule my life.

It might be premature, but I'm actually starting to think about the option of living child free, as is Derek. It is an option for me now, though it wasn't less then a year ago. It will be painful to make that sort of decision, and I hope it never comes to that, but at least I know in my heart that things will be ok, however they turn out.