The big question: Do you put your life on hold because you might get pregnant?
Do you look for a new job if you are unhappy in your current job? Do you put off a vacation because you don't want to travel while pregnant? Do you stop running/cycling/swimming and give up summer races?
I'm facing all of these questions, and have been for years. I have to admit that I have put off things that I otherwise wouldn't have. I was wary about signing up for a half marathon at the end of May, and committing to a one week cycling training camp in Penticton in the same month. I did eventually sign up for both, but it took a lot of back and forth to get to that point.
What about looking for a new job? For Derek and I, if I were to get a new job, that might mean we hold off on the TTC game until I get comfortable in the new role and don't feel bad about taking maternity leave. Not to mention that I wouldn't get all of the same protection from a new job if I've been there for less then 12 months before I go on maternity leave (i.e. at most jobs, you must work at a job for 12 months before you are guaranteed a job when you return from maternity leave). It's a tough spot to be in, especially if you really do need to find a new job, but you feel like you're wasting time by not trying.
But then, what is more important? Who cares if I start a new job and three months later I'm pregnant? Isn't pregnancy and our family more important? Or is job security more important?
At what point do you stop putting things on hold and start living life again? How much hope do you have to lose before you get to the point that you continue to live your life because you know you won't be pregnant by then anyhow? I sure don't have the answer, and I doubt there is one.
I totally put my life on hold trying to get pregnant.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I was in a job I didn't particularly like, but the benefits were good. If I'd started over somewhere else, I would have had to have been there 6 months before being eligible for all the maternity benefits. Thinking I would be pregnant in a matter of months, I stayed. And then I wasn't pregnant. For a long time. I've now been in my job for 6 years, and thinking I might as well stay there, as I want a second child, and if the whole ttc naturally thing doesn't work out (as it hasn't been), and IVF no 2 goes ahead, I'll need the security and benefits. And flexibility of a job that doesn't really care if I'm in at 7am or 10am.
I also remember all our other decisions being run past the ttc filter. New car? Oh, do we get one that suits us now, or suits us as a family of 3 (or 4 - we had a 30% chance of coming out with twins with IVF)...? The amount of stress involved in everyday decisions was simply agonising. In the end, we just tried to take a moderate approach, where we could live with the decision either way.
I'm still in that crappy job, though....so I guess my answer is that we didn't get to the point where we stopped putting our lives on hold...
We're working on it in other ways, though. It sounds very negative, but the way I'm trying to look at it is that this is the phase of life that we are in at the moment, and it may take longer than other people to get through it, but we'll get there eventually.
Oh, I meant to say, I didn't give up going on holiday when I was ttc. In fact, I made a point of having a good couple of major vacations as consolation for the fact that we couldn't bloody get pregnant. I still look back on them with great fondness, and wouldn't change them for anything.
ReplyDeleteIf there is anything you would love to do before baby comes, just do it. If you have to cancel because you're pregnant, so f'ing what! You'll be ecstatic, so it won't matter.
I know that sounds like I'm contradicting what I just said previously, but I think it's all about degree. A job is a Big Thing. A vacations isn't, if it has to be cancelled.
Oh, it's all so complicated. I'm pretty sure my fertile friends haven't agonised nearly this much about so many decisions. Just remember, we get to appreciate the babies that much more.