Struggles with Infertility

Being a parent is not something that everyone has as a goal in life. But once you decide that you want to be a parent, and you are unable to, your life can either unravel, or you can try to find meaning in your struggles. This blog is me trying to find meaning.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Murphy's Law

My uterus is a textbook uterus. I have 44 cycles recorded now, and they are almost always 28 days (I'm talking 39 out of 44 cycles are 28 days, not including my two pregnancy cycles), where I ovulate on day 14, and get my period at 14 days past ovulation. I do have some slight variation in O day, but never do I go longer then 28 days unless it's been one of my pregnancy cycles.

So yesterday, at 14 DPO, I was expecting my period. I had been cramping on and off for a few days and was convinced it was on it's way. Every time I went to the bathroom I checked the toilet paper. Nothing. Not a hint of pink at all. Then, by early afternoon, my cramps were gone. Hmmm, thought I, this is a bit interesting...could it be? This would be an interesting surprise!

Evening comes and still no AF. Bedtime comes, and nothing. I think, 'It'll surely come over night'. I wake up at about 1 am to go pee. Check the toilet paper. Nothing. Hm.

So, this morning I wake up on 15 DPO, my period a day late and my hopes high. It's time to test! I'm up a half hour before Derek so I pee in a cup (need to use first morning urine!) and have a shower. Finally, Derek is awake, and I tell him what's going on.

"I'm late. I'm taking a test."

He says, "Wait one more day."

"No way," says I, "there is no way in hell I can wait one more day, are you kidding me?"

I grab an FRER and dip, holding it in until I can see it start to progress across the window. I cap it and set it on the counter and continue to do my hair. I try not to look at it, but I can see it out of the corner of my eye. Don't look! Wait a few minutes! I last all of two minutes and grab the stick.

Nothing.

Maybe I should just wait a bit longer. I let it sit for another three minutes and check again.

Nothing.

B.F.N.


What the deuce, body? What's going on here? I have a very pretty chart, I have a clear thermal shift in my temperatures, I ovulated 15 days ago, and no BFP? GFY, jerk!

Almost 8 pm on 15 DPO and still nothing. Maybe I'm going through menopause.