For us, when it comes to the adoption process, the anxiety
of the wait feels different. I can compartmentalize better, because I’m
not focused on the physical aspects of my body, like I would if we were pregnant.
Our wait has been about two years, most of which was the process of getting
paperwork, training, and records checks done in order to be placed on ‘the list’.
We admittedly undertook that exercise a bit slower than most, as we were still
unsure of if this was our next step. But ultimately, we checked the last of the
boxes in September.
The adoption process and timeline itself is lengthy and
expensive. After a potential adoptive parent or couple is placed on the list,
the wait in Alberta for private placement is two to three years. The timeline
varies based on your matching criteria, and over the last few years the number
of children placed for adoption has decreased for a variety or reasons. Some
provinces in Canada have a wait list of up to ten years, so we count ourselves
lucky. Costs range from $15,000 to $25,000 for private domestic adoption, while
international adoption is closer to $100,000 depending on the country. As you
can understand, this is why ‘just adopt’, which I’ve heard more than a few
times in our 12+ years of infertility, isn’t really as easy at it sounds (stop
saying that!).
So for us, we buckled in for a multi-year wait. However, a
few weeks ago we received a call asking if we were interested in showing our
file to a potential birth family. We had one hour to decide. You can imagine
the stress of that hour given our current COVID-19 situation across the globe
(I am working from home, Derek is a first responder, so out working with the
public), and the fact that I just received a promotion at work. We were not
prepared for this, and wouldn’t have been for at least a year and a half. We
had one of the most critical conversations of our marriage in the same amount
of time it takes to watch an episode of your favourite Netflix series, and said
yes.
This doesn’t mean we’re matched. It means we are in a
different type of wait. The type where you think about those birth parents
daily, knowing that they are making one of the most difficult and loving
decisions of their lives. You hope it’s you, and you reassure yourself you will
be ok if it’s not. You think about what if’s and restrain yourself from
daydreaming too much. It’s a different wait, but difficult in it’s own way. We
hope this phase of wait is over soon, and that however it turns out, it’s the
best decision for the child and birth parents.