The Human Palillomavirus, or HPV, is a DNA virus with approximately 120 different human-specific strains, 30 to 40 of which are transmitted through sexual contact. Most people (>85%) have one strain of HPV or another; it's very, very common. The majority of HPV strains don't cause any symptoms, however some do cause infections such as warts, papillomas, and some types of genital cancers. In particular, HPV strains 16 and 18 are linked to upwards of 70% of cervical cancers. I have the strain that causes cervical cancer.
In 2010, after a routine PAP, they detected abnormal cells on my cervix. I went in for a follow up colposcopy, where the biopsy showed High Grade Squamous Intraepithelial Lesion (HSIL) - pre-cancerous changes in the cervix. The treatment was a cone biopsy (similar to a LEEP, but deeper). Follow up colposcopies showed that the cone biopsy had removed all the cells and my cervix was healthy, and I was back on the every year to 18 month PAP schedule.
Earlier this year in about February or March, I went in for a routine PAP. Again, the results came back abnormal. My colposcopy was scheduled for November 3rd, causing some significant emotional turmoil right when we were gearing up to move forward with our FET. We chose to focus on ourselves while we waited and had a wonderful summer, hopeful that the colposcopy would show that the abnormal cells were insignificant. This hope was bolstered when, during the colposcopy, the doctor agreed that the abnormal changes in my cervix were minimal and would only require monitoring through ongoing PAPs. Based on this, I called the fertility clinic and re-opened our file in anticipation of a February/March FET.
Unfortunately, four weeks later the colposcopy clinic called and told me that it was again HSIL and I required a LEEP. Typically, the process after a LEEP is to follow up with a six month and 12 month colposcopy before being given the all clear. Based on that, we would be looking at yet another year of delay. This sent me in to an emotional tail-spin and I was ready to ask for a hysterectomy, have the embryos destroyed or donated to science, and finally move on with a child-free life. I was done.
Today was my LEEP. A number of crappy things happened leading up to it (parking ticket, forgot to take proactive pain pills so I cramped very badly afterwards), but here is the good news: we don't have to wait a year. I explained the situation to the doctor and he stated that the concern with pregnancy following a LEEP is related to the strength and health of the cervix, nothing else. As long as the biopsy comes back with clean edges (they were able to burn off all the pre-cancerous cells), he felt that by three months post-LEEP, my cervix should be back to normal and good to hold a pregnancy (if we are so lucky).
I haven't had a full conversation with Derek about this yet, and there are other considerations, but it is good to know that we could move forward soon if that's what we decide. As well, please take this as a PSA to vaccinate your daughters AND sons against HPV - I am what can happen. I wish I could go back in time and get the vaccination. Of course the whole infertility issue compounds it all, but I wouldn't wish all these invasive and painful procedures - colposcopy, cone biopsy, LEEP - on any woman. Protect your children and yourself, if you qualify.
So to wrap this TL;DR up, we continue to be challenged. I am almost at the end of my emotional rope with all the waiting and delays. I am thankful for so many things in my life, and we continue to move forward with the understanding that these types of roadblocks shape who we are individually and as a couple - this will make us stronger. Strangely, a song that has a line that really resonates with me played on the radio while I was on my way to work this morning. The line that almost always brings me to tears (even now as I type it) is "it's better to feel pain, than nothing at all" and follows up with "the opposite of love's indifference". It's a song about love, but it's also about the importance of facing and dealing with adversity. I'm thankful I still feel hope, despair, agony and anger, even if it's painful and causes so much heartache. I'm thankful I'm not indifferent.
