Struggles with Infertility

Being a parent is not something that everyone has as a goal in life. But once you decide that you want to be a parent, and you are unable to, your life can either unravel, or you can try to find meaning in your struggles. This blog is me trying to find meaning.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

IVF #1

The clinic called this morning and we are good to go right away!

I will be doing the Long Lupron protocol for this cycle. We start Suprefact on cycle day 21 of this cycle (which is February 2) and I'll have my baseline ultrasound on February 19th.

If all goes well, I start my injections on the 19th as well, followed by more bloodwork and ultrasounds every second day to adjust doses as needed. My tentative egg retrieval date is March 3, and we will do a three or five day transfer depending on how the embryos look.

I'm waiting for the pharmacy to call with my final list of medication and the cost. Oh my goodness, the cost. The IVF must be paid for by next Thursday and we are looking at almost $7000. That doesn't include the medication, which will be anywhere from $3000 to $5000. We are hoping our health care will cover some of the cost, but it's tricky, because while they do cover the medications, the don't 'if it's part of fertility treatments'. Stupid.

I am nervous and scared, and when I called Derek this morning to tell him the clinic has us booked in for right away, he sounded the same. We know there are no guarantees, and there are so many emotions going on in my head right now. Excitement, fear, impatience, sadness for Lara, worry that something will go wrong.

Fingers crossed for success with number one, and pray that time flies for the next five and a half weeks (how am I going to deal with an IVF two week wait? Gah!).

Monday, January 23, 2012

Here we go

This afternoon I had my appointment with Dr. Scott to discuss our revised plans to do a frozen cycle for Lara and Roland, followed by a fresh cycle for us. After an hour wait (ugh, I hate end of the day appointments), I met with the doctor and her resident.

Holy dramatic change of plans!

Dr. S recommended that we do not do a frozen cycle for Lara and Roland. She showed me the statistics, and a fresh transfer for 31 year old eggs shows a 70% pregnancy rate. A frozen transfer shows only a 35% success rate. So, if we freeze all of Lara and Roland's embryos, we effectively cut their chances of a pregnancy in half.

The other glitch is that if for some reason Lara never responds well and can not build up her lining enough, she'll need to use a surrogate. We have always thought that I'd be the surrogate. However, this is illegal in Canada. Surprising, right? The reason is that it's my egg, so it is effectively an 'adoption', and illegal in this scenario, where I am the donor and surrogate.

So what does this mean? This means that Derek and I are doing our own IVF first, and that will happen soon. As in, possibly starting at the end of this month or mid-February. We will do a fresh transfer, and if it takes, we will do a cycle for Lara and Roland after I finish breastfeeding. If it doesn't take, and if Lara is responding well by then, we can do a fresh cycle for them.

Now we just do what we do best - wait! If they call this week, we will go ahead with it this month. Otherwise, I call the first day of my next period (in just over two weeks) and schedule in.

Calling my sister with this news and new plan was very hard. I understand how upsetting it is to wait for what seems like a million lifetimes to become a mom, and now her wait is extended even more. I know she understands why this is the recommendation and new plan, but I also know she's hurting. It is frustrating when we can't just do it on our own, and more so when you are dependant on another person to help you build your family. Lara, I love you, and I just want you to know that I know you're hurting and upset right now. And that's ok. It will happen for you, trust me. Like you said, 'this is fate', this is how it's supposed to happen.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Change of Plans

Should have updated this at least a week and a half ago, but I've been busy with work, life and University!

Lara went for her ultrasound on January 3 to check her response to the increased dose of estrogen and viagra. Unfortunately, her lining was only 5.5 - 6 mm, which is not enough. She spoke to our nurse, who conveyed that the doctor wanted Lara to take a couple of months off, then try mock cycles again, putting us well in to the summer for IVF.

The infertility journey seems to have very explicit ups and downs. You have the rise and fall of emotions during treatments - Clomid cycles, IUI, trying naturally, using something new. I had the rollercoaster of pregnancy loss three times, where I had days of joy and excitement followed by days of sadness and pain. Even then, getting a good beta after a bad one can renew hope, which is just crushed when you get the next call. Some months I'm perfectly patient, knowing our time will come, and some months I am practically biting my nails with impatience. The last six months I have been patient. I am now impatient. I can't wait any more.

So, this is what we're doing: I am going to do a cycle for only Lara and Roland right away. All eggs will go to them, they will fertilize, and freeze it for when Lara is ready. I will take the requisite month off, then we'll procede with our own IVF. I have an appointment with the doctor on January 23rd to discuss this and hopefully get moving. I will be mid-cycle at the appointment, so I hope, hope, hope we can get started right away and do the first egg retreival in February. If so, after a month off, that puts us in to April. We are planning a trip to Hawaii with my parents and Lara for the first half of the month, so hopefully it doesn't interfere, but if so, we'll bump ourselves to the next month.

So, fingers crossed for moving quickly! I'll update after the appointment on the 23rd!

(P.S. Lara may do a fresh transfer even if her lining is less then ideal. The nurse did say that they have had successful IVF's where the lining is not as thick as they want it...)