Here I am, Cycle Day 1 of cycle 50 - I can't believe we've been actively trying for 50 cycles! This was my first full cycle post failed IVF and my period was about five days late, which is typical. Of course I tested. Stark white BFN's, as expected, and AF is on in full, painful force this morning.
Derek and I have been doing well since the IVF, and feel like we still have options. We're planning to do the FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) in the fall, either in September, before I leave for University, or in November, after I return. We've talked about what we might do after that, should the FET fail, and we are of differing opinions. I was set to move on to adoption, but Derek is pretty sure he wants to do at least one more IVF, if not more. We're looking at switching clinics - either the Victoria Fertility Clinic or the Sher Institute in Las Vegas - if we decide to move forward with more cycles. We have time to decide, and a summer full of trying to focus on ourselves again.
We arrived home from a much needed vacation in Hawaii last week (we went with my parents, and my middle sister, Lara, was there for part of the trip too) and head to Penticton, B.C. for a ten day cycling camp on May 11. Vacations are fantastic at cheering a person up! Not to mention a loaded assignment schedule for University and our ongoing house renovations (which WILL happen this year!). I appreciate my busy life more at times like these - it's not as if I'm avoiding thinking about the failure, it's more like I'm able to process it in bits in pieces while looking forward to other things. I'm not letting infertility rule my life.
It might be premature, but I'm actually starting to think about the option of living child free, as is Derek. It is an option for me now, though it wasn't less then a year ago. It will be painful to make that sort of decision, and I hope it never comes to that, but at least I know in my heart that things will be ok, however they turn out.
