It's not your fault

Here's the thing: it's human nature to find blame when something goes wrong. When it comes to fertility issues, you try to blame things like biology, second hand smoke, the chlamydia you got (and took care of) when you were a teenager, or the amount of time your husband spends sitting on a bike. I understand the need to find meaning, to find a cause and fix it, but unfortunately what that often means is that you're blaming yourself. Blaming yourself seems like the only logical way to deal with the pain and anger that comes along with infertility - you internalize it. And I'm talking to you men with MFI as well. Stop beating yourself up, stop looking into the past, regretting mistakes (that made you who you are today) and start looking forward.

Easier said then done, I know, and I'm not there yet either. But what you can do is not allow others to place the blame on you either. When someone tells you to 'just relax', what they're really saying is 'if only you would stop doing ______, you would get pregnant (or stay pregnant)'. It's assumed that you or your partner must be doing 'something wrong', and if only you would raise your hips, use OPK's, have more sex, time sex better, 'get the job done', or whatever, you would get your take home baby. Unfortunately, many of the people we confide in about our struggles can not empathize (though if you do have a fellow IFer in real life, one who remains an IFer even after succeeding, hold on to them) and can only offer misguided advice. Usually it's with good intentions, so don't fault them, but don't let it drag you down either. They just don't understand and (likely) never will.

Be stong, fellow IFers. No, your time may never come, though I hope for a take home baby for each and every one of you. But in the meantime, during this painful journey, be kind to yourself. It's not your fault.