I am on day four of taking Suprefact nasally. Five times a day, every four hours starting early, early in the morning, I spray a dose of Suprefact up each nostril. The first couple of days I was still on vacation in the Okanagan area of B.C. riding my road bike with a group of team mates and I felt great. I had zero side effects the first few days despite having to spray gross stuff up my nose at the top of a hill climb on a stomach full of gels and bananas.
And then yesterday morning I woke up a few hours after taking my morning dose (and going back to sleep for a few hours) with some pretty severe stomach cramps. The memories of stomach pain associated with the Suprefact during my IVF came flooding back. I think what happens is the small amount of medication that does not get absorbed by my sinuses runs down the back of my throat and in to my stomach. It's probably especially bad when the stomach is empty, like it is first thing in the morning. Of course, to compound the fun, I started getting hot flashes as well (and I run pretty hot already).
We made the eight hour drive home yesterday with me cringing in the passenger seat every 20 minutes or so from a stabby cramp. I put off taking my next doses until the very last minute in fear the cramps would worsen, and made sure my stomach was full of absorbent foods each time. The cramps eased up by about midnight, and despite taking it again this morning on an empty stomach, I am not cramping today. I do still feel like a furnace though, so I'm thankful for the cooler weather here at home.
So here we go, first medication is started! I should start AF late next week or weekend and we add estrogen to the mix. I can't believe in less than a month I will be PUPO!
Monday, May 18, 2015
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Here we go!
Eight days ago I called in to the clinic with cycle day one and on Monday we got the offer for FET. This time we were able to say yes. Here's the schedule:
May 15th - start Suprefact, which is a suppressant that prevents me from ovulating during the FET cycle. I also start taking daily low dose aspirin for possible clotting issues (more preventative than anything).
Around May 29th - start taking Estrace (estrodol). This starts to build up my uterine lining.
Around June 11th - ultrasound to check lining, blood work to check estrogen levels. If all looks good, I will start taking Prometrium (progesterone) for further uterine lining development and potential pregnancy support.
Sometime between June 16th and 19th, the transfer will happen.
I pulled out our big fertility file because although I know we have two totcicles, I couldn't recall what age and grade they were. We have two day six hatching blasts, average grade. Our hope is that these two embryos were the best of the lot (I had 17 eggs retrieved, 14 fertilize during the IVF in 2012 - only four made it past day three, two of which are these frozen ones) and are strong, as evidenced by having made it to day six and starting to hatch. There is a risk that one or both don't make it through thaw, but the success rate for thaw is around 90%, so we won't let that worry us too much.
Now here's the thing - Derek and I have agreed that there will be radio silence for a few weeks following the transfer. He is aware of this blog and how public I am with our fertility journey, and he's open about it as well, but we both want to (hopefully) enjoy the first few weeks of a successful pregnancy, or mourn a failure privately, before we let you all in on the results. Trust me, this will be as hard on me as it is on you, but I think it will be good for us to have something between just us, even if for a short time.
May 15th - start Suprefact, which is a suppressant that prevents me from ovulating during the FET cycle. I also start taking daily low dose aspirin for possible clotting issues (more preventative than anything).
Around May 29th - start taking Estrace (estrodol). This starts to build up my uterine lining.
Around June 11th - ultrasound to check lining, blood work to check estrogen levels. If all looks good, I will start taking Prometrium (progesterone) for further uterine lining development and potential pregnancy support.
Sometime between June 16th and 19th, the transfer will happen.
I pulled out our big fertility file because although I know we have two totcicles, I couldn't recall what age and grade they were. We have two day six hatching blasts, average grade. Our hope is that these two embryos were the best of the lot (I had 17 eggs retrieved, 14 fertilize during the IVF in 2012 - only four made it past day three, two of which are these frozen ones) and are strong, as evidenced by having made it to day six and starting to hatch. There is a risk that one or both don't make it through thaw, but the success rate for thaw is around 90%, so we won't let that worry us too much.
Now here's the thing - Derek and I have agreed that there will be radio silence for a few weeks following the transfer. He is aware of this blog and how public I am with our fertility journey, and he's open about it as well, but we both want to (hopefully) enjoy the first few weeks of a successful pregnancy, or mourn a failure privately, before we let you all in on the results. Trust me, this will be as hard on me as it is on you, but I think it will be good for us to have something between just us, even if for a short time.
Friday, April 3, 2015
FET Non-Update
We're on the call list and will hopefully stay there. We got 'the call' this cycle (this past Monday); unfortunately we had to say no because the tentative transfer date was smack in the middle of a vacation we have planned in May. The nurse went to the effort of seeing if there could be any adjustments made to allow for it, but with ultrasounds and blood work requirements, it wasn't going to work.
So we said no, but have been reassured that we're at the top of the list now. This means that we are pretty much guaranteed a call next cycle. Looks like transfer will be in June!
Happy Easter everyone!
So we said no, but have been reassured that we're at the top of the list now. This means that we are pretty much guaranteed a call next cycle. Looks like transfer will be in June!
Happy Easter everyone!
Friday, March 20, 2015
The FET Lottery
Over the years, I have come to find that patients at the Calgary Regional Fertility Clinic are really just numbers. There is no holistic or personalized care, and they only used standardized protocols with minimal, if any, deviation. I would guess that the reason for this is efficiency - with the rise in the number of couples and individuals (because there are single women out there who decide to use a donor to become mothers on their own), the clinic is becoming more busy, therefore standardization tends to move things through more quickly.
The unfortunate side effect is that there are hundreds (thousands?) of CRFC patients playing the waiting game each cycle. Here's how it works if you are waiting for a frozen embryo transfer (which is similar for IVF):
Not getting the call sucks. You've looked at the calendar and calculated when your transfer might be (it's about 6 or 7 weeks between cycle day one and the FET transfer on the typical CRFC medicated protocol) and start to get excited. However, your hopes, once again, are crushed. And the waiting game continues on.
Last month I didn't get the call. In about a week, I will call in again, and wait to see if I win the FET lottery this time. I hate being a number.
The unfortunate side effect is that there are hundreds (thousands?) of CRFC patients playing the waiting game each cycle. Here's how it works if you are waiting for a frozen embryo transfer (which is similar for IVF):
- Day one of your period you call in to the 'period hotline', leaving your name, chart number, and phone number.
- You spend about a week to ten days hoping that you get a call back. You make sure you have your phone by you at all times and answer all calls, leaving meetings, interrupting conversations, answering when you're in the bathroom taking care of business (I'm serious). You constantly check for messages. And sometimes they just never call.
Not getting the call sucks. You've looked at the calendar and calculated when your transfer might be (it's about 6 or 7 weeks between cycle day one and the FET transfer on the typical CRFC medicated protocol) and start to get excited. However, your hopes, once again, are crushed. And the waiting game continues on.
Last month I didn't get the call. In about a week, I will call in again, and wait to see if I win the FET lottery this time. I hate being a number.
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Rollercoasters
When I last updated, I had just gone in for my LEEP after 10+ months of waiting for the appointment, causing a year long delay in our planned FET. LEEP day was a crappy day in itself and I was emotionally drained. I wanted off the rollercoaster. That didn't happen.
What happened next is that I called the fertility clinic to kick our file in to the active pile only to be told that I needed to do a Sonohysterogram (SHG). An SHG is essentially an ultrasound of the uterus that occurs while they are pumping a saline solution in to the uterine cavity and fallopian tubes. The purpose of it is to check for any abnormalities, such as fibroids, polyps or adhesions, which are contraindicated for pregnancy. I'm not sure if you recall, or have read that far back in my blog, but I have always had trouble with these tests because they can not seem to get a catheter through my cervix. Every HSG or SHG I've had done was performed under general anesthetic as part of a laparoscopy, primarily because of my cervix issues. So when I found out my SHG was scheduled for the morning of the day we were flying out for our vacation in Hawai'i, I was super pumped.
On January 7th, a month after my LEEP, and four hours before I departed for warmer weather, I went in for my SHG. The doctor was running late, which was a stress in itself, and of course she had problems getting the catheter in. All I could think was that I just wanted to get this over with so we could keep moving forward. After about 10 minutes, three tries, many whimpers and tears, and a doctor positioned in a sideways crouch on the floor, they were able to perform the SHG. And thankfully, everything looked normal. Checkmark.
The next step was waiting to make sure the borders of my LEEP were clean. I was told that if they were not clean, I would get a call to come in for a repeat LEEP in mid-January. Thankfully, while I was on the sunny beaches of Hawai'i, I did not get that call. My LEEP was successful. Checkmark.
I got home near the end of January, and my next big thing was getting the hardware out of my elbow on February 10th (installed following a bike crash I had last August that resulted in a broken elbow). However, before I could check that one off the list, I got a call from the fertility clinic. My doctor wanted a note from the Ob/Gyn that performed my LEEP saying I was good to proceed with FET. Getting notes such as these from an Ob/Gyn I've only met once is highly unlikely. So while I called and explained, begged and (seriously) cried to the nurse, I was unable to get anything out of the Ob/Gyn. Back on the rollercoaster. At this point, my anger at the ridiculous situation I was in caused me to almost give up. But thanks to the support I received from a few wonderful friends, I immediately picked myself up and continued to fight.
I was able to get copies of my LEEP report sent to my RE at the fertility clinic. So, despite being only about 30 hours post-op from getting all the pins and wire removed from my elbow, I went in to see my RE this afternoon determined to make her agree that we understand the risks and want to move forward. And I was successful. In fact, the appointment started with her saying she had reviewed the LEEP report already and was comfortable with going forward. Checkmark!
So, we are off that rollercoaster and on to another. We're good to go for March and are on the list for FET. Depending on when AF shows, and if the clinic has room for us, we may be looking at a mid- to late March transfer. Regardless, it feels so good to have some forward progress again, even if it's going to be filled with more ups and downs.
What happened next is that I called the fertility clinic to kick our file in to the active pile only to be told that I needed to do a Sonohysterogram (SHG). An SHG is essentially an ultrasound of the uterus that occurs while they are pumping a saline solution in to the uterine cavity and fallopian tubes. The purpose of it is to check for any abnormalities, such as fibroids, polyps or adhesions, which are contraindicated for pregnancy. I'm not sure if you recall, or have read that far back in my blog, but I have always had trouble with these tests because they can not seem to get a catheter through my cervix. Every HSG or SHG I've had done was performed under general anesthetic as part of a laparoscopy, primarily because of my cervix issues. So when I found out my SHG was scheduled for the morning of the day we were flying out for our vacation in Hawai'i, I was super pumped.
On January 7th, a month after my LEEP, and four hours before I departed for warmer weather, I went in for my SHG. The doctor was running late, which was a stress in itself, and of course she had problems getting the catheter in. All I could think was that I just wanted to get this over with so we could keep moving forward. After about 10 minutes, three tries, many whimpers and tears, and a doctor positioned in a sideways crouch on the floor, they were able to perform the SHG. And thankfully, everything looked normal. Checkmark.
The next step was waiting to make sure the borders of my LEEP were clean. I was told that if they were not clean, I would get a call to come in for a repeat LEEP in mid-January. Thankfully, while I was on the sunny beaches of Hawai'i, I did not get that call. My LEEP was successful. Checkmark.
I got home near the end of January, and my next big thing was getting the hardware out of my elbow on February 10th (installed following a bike crash I had last August that resulted in a broken elbow). However, before I could check that one off the list, I got a call from the fertility clinic. My doctor wanted a note from the Ob/Gyn that performed my LEEP saying I was good to proceed with FET. Getting notes such as these from an Ob/Gyn I've only met once is highly unlikely. So while I called and explained, begged and (seriously) cried to the nurse, I was unable to get anything out of the Ob/Gyn. Back on the rollercoaster. At this point, my anger at the ridiculous situation I was in caused me to almost give up. But thanks to the support I received from a few wonderful friends, I immediately picked myself up and continued to fight.
I was able to get copies of my LEEP report sent to my RE at the fertility clinic. So, despite being only about 30 hours post-op from getting all the pins and wire removed from my elbow, I went in to see my RE this afternoon determined to make her agree that we understand the risks and want to move forward. And I was successful. In fact, the appointment started with her saying she had reviewed the LEEP report already and was comfortable with going forward. Checkmark!
So, we are off that rollercoaster and on to another. We're good to go for March and are on the list for FET. Depending on when AF shows, and if the clinic has room for us, we may be looking at a mid- to late March transfer. Regardless, it feels so good to have some forward progress again, even if it's going to be filled with more ups and downs.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
It's better to feel pain, than nothing at all.
The Human Palillomavirus, or HPV, is a DNA virus with approximately 120 different human-specific strains, 30 to 40 of which are transmitted through sexual contact. Most people (>85%) have one strain of HPV or another; it's very, very common. The majority of HPV strains don't cause any symptoms, however some do cause infections such as warts, papillomas, and some types of genital cancers. In particular, HPV strains 16 and 18 are linked to upwards of 70% of cervical cancers. I have the strain that causes cervical cancer.
In 2010, after a routine PAP, they detected abnormal cells on my cervix. I went in for a follow up colposcopy, where the biopsy showed High Grade Squamous Intraepithelial Lesion (HSIL) - pre-cancerous changes in the cervix. The treatment was a cone biopsy (similar to a LEEP, but deeper). Follow up colposcopies showed that the cone biopsy had removed all the cells and my cervix was healthy, and I was back on the every year to 18 month PAP schedule.
Earlier this year in about February or March, I went in for a routine PAP. Again, the results came back abnormal. My colposcopy was scheduled for November 3rd, causing some significant emotional turmoil right when we were gearing up to move forward with our FET. We chose to focus on ourselves while we waited and had a wonderful summer, hopeful that the colposcopy would show that the abnormal cells were insignificant. This hope was bolstered when, during the colposcopy, the doctor agreed that the abnormal changes in my cervix were minimal and would only require monitoring through ongoing PAPs. Based on this, I called the fertility clinic and re-opened our file in anticipation of a February/March FET.
Unfortunately, four weeks later the colposcopy clinic called and told me that it was again HSIL and I required a LEEP. Typically, the process after a LEEP is to follow up with a six month and 12 month colposcopy before being given the all clear. Based on that, we would be looking at yet another year of delay. This sent me in to an emotional tail-spin and I was ready to ask for a hysterectomy, have the embryos destroyed or donated to science, and finally move on with a child-free life. I was done.
Today was my LEEP. A number of crappy things happened leading up to it (parking ticket, forgot to take proactive pain pills so I cramped very badly afterwards), but here is the good news: we don't have to wait a year. I explained the situation to the doctor and he stated that the concern with pregnancy following a LEEP is related to the strength and health of the cervix, nothing else. As long as the biopsy comes back with clean edges (they were able to burn off all the pre-cancerous cells), he felt that by three months post-LEEP, my cervix should be back to normal and good to hold a pregnancy (if we are so lucky).
I haven't had a full conversation with Derek about this yet, and there are other considerations, but it is good to know that we could move forward soon if that's what we decide. As well, please take this as a PSA to vaccinate your daughters AND sons against HPV - I am what can happen. I wish I could go back in time and get the vaccination. Of course the whole infertility issue compounds it all, but I wouldn't wish all these invasive and painful procedures - colposcopy, cone biopsy, LEEP - on any woman. Protect your children and yourself, if you qualify.
So to wrap this TL;DR up, we continue to be challenged. I am almost at the end of my emotional rope with all the waiting and delays. I am thankful for so many things in my life, and we continue to move forward with the understanding that these types of roadblocks shape who we are individually and as a couple - this will make us stronger. Strangely, a song that has a line that really resonates with me played on the radio while I was on my way to work this morning. The line that almost always brings me to tears (even now as I type it) is "it's better to feel pain, than nothing at all" and follows up with "the opposite of love's indifference". It's a song about love, but it's also about the importance of facing and dealing with adversity. I'm thankful I still feel hope, despair, agony and anger, even if it's painful and causes so much heartache. I'm thankful I'm not indifferent.
In 2010, after a routine PAP, they detected abnormal cells on my cervix. I went in for a follow up colposcopy, where the biopsy showed High Grade Squamous Intraepithelial Lesion (HSIL) - pre-cancerous changes in the cervix. The treatment was a cone biopsy (similar to a LEEP, but deeper). Follow up colposcopies showed that the cone biopsy had removed all the cells and my cervix was healthy, and I was back on the every year to 18 month PAP schedule.
Earlier this year in about February or March, I went in for a routine PAP. Again, the results came back abnormal. My colposcopy was scheduled for November 3rd, causing some significant emotional turmoil right when we were gearing up to move forward with our FET. We chose to focus on ourselves while we waited and had a wonderful summer, hopeful that the colposcopy would show that the abnormal cells were insignificant. This hope was bolstered when, during the colposcopy, the doctor agreed that the abnormal changes in my cervix were minimal and would only require monitoring through ongoing PAPs. Based on this, I called the fertility clinic and re-opened our file in anticipation of a February/March FET.
Unfortunately, four weeks later the colposcopy clinic called and told me that it was again HSIL and I required a LEEP. Typically, the process after a LEEP is to follow up with a six month and 12 month colposcopy before being given the all clear. Based on that, we would be looking at yet another year of delay. This sent me in to an emotional tail-spin and I was ready to ask for a hysterectomy, have the embryos destroyed or donated to science, and finally move on with a child-free life. I was done.
Today was my LEEP. A number of crappy things happened leading up to it (parking ticket, forgot to take proactive pain pills so I cramped very badly afterwards), but here is the good news: we don't have to wait a year. I explained the situation to the doctor and he stated that the concern with pregnancy following a LEEP is related to the strength and health of the cervix, nothing else. As long as the biopsy comes back with clean edges (they were able to burn off all the pre-cancerous cells), he felt that by three months post-LEEP, my cervix should be back to normal and good to hold a pregnancy (if we are so lucky).
I haven't had a full conversation with Derek about this yet, and there are other considerations, but it is good to know that we could move forward soon if that's what we decide. As well, please take this as a PSA to vaccinate your daughters AND sons against HPV - I am what can happen. I wish I could go back in time and get the vaccination. Of course the whole infertility issue compounds it all, but I wouldn't wish all these invasive and painful procedures - colposcopy, cone biopsy, LEEP - on any woman. Protect your children and yourself, if you qualify.
So to wrap this TL;DR up, we continue to be challenged. I am almost at the end of my emotional rope with all the waiting and delays. I am thankful for so many things in my life, and we continue to move forward with the understanding that these types of roadblocks shape who we are individually and as a couple - this will make us stronger. Strangely, a song that has a line that really resonates with me played on the radio while I was on my way to work this morning. The line that almost always brings me to tears (even now as I type it) is "it's better to feel pain, than nothing at all" and follows up with "the opposite of love's indifference". It's a song about love, but it's also about the importance of facing and dealing with adversity. I'm thankful I still feel hope, despair, agony and anger, even if it's painful and causes so much heartache. I'm thankful I'm not indifferent.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
How I spent my summer
When I last posted, I was a couple of months in to putting TTC fully aside and really living life this summer. It had been years since I had just lived - we were either TTC or I was in grad school. So, here's what I did this summer.
I graduated from grad school with a Master of Arts in Environment and Management
We went for a few hikes in the mountains.
We got a new foster dog named Silver, an approximately five year old Siberian Husky originally from a puppy mill in California.
I rode my bike. I raced as much as my schedule would allow.
I spent every weekend on the road.
It was therapeutic.
And then I crashed my bike at the beginning of August and broke my elbow.
And had to have surgery to repair it. Most of August is a bit of a blur.
But I did still get to spend a week with my niece (thanks mom and dad for bringing her), who is definitely going to be a Firefighter like her Uncle Derek when she grows up.
And tomorrow, September 7, will be the first day of winter for Calgary, with an estimated 5 cm expected by mid-morning (don't worry, it'll melt!). So while I did spend a good portion of my summer being true to my plans to focus on myself, now that the seasons are starting to change, I can feel the anxiety building. Less than two months from now, I will have the colposcopy and better understand how much more of a delay we are looking at before we can do our FET. And while I am still generally ok on the whole, I can't deny feeling that hope again each month, and feeling that painful emptiness in my heart on occasion. Taking it day by day is all I can do right now, being patient, biding time.
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