Struggles with Infertility

Being a parent is not something that everyone has as a goal in life. But once you decide that you want to be a parent, and you are unable to, your life can either unravel, or you can try to find meaning in your struggles. This blog is me trying to find meaning.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The final chapter...finally

I had blood drawn for another beta yesterday morning and received the call from the nurse at around 8 pm last night, which was worrisome in itself because it's way outside their normal business hours. My number increased from 494 to 1955 in six days. The beta is high enough at this point that if there were anything viable in the uterus, they would have seen it. She asked me to come in again this morning, and was again very adamant that if I have any pain, especially on one side or the other, I was to go to the emergency room immediately.

I had some severe cramping (exactly like period cramps and not on one side or the other) for a couple of hours around dinner time last night, and started bleeding bright red. The cramps and bleeding tappered off around 7 pm (just before she called) and I got a decent sleep, thankfully. I arrived at the clinic this morning shortly after 9 am and they sent me right to the clinic for another beta and a bunch of labs for liver function. The purpose of the liver function tests was that if my beta had continued to increase, I'd have to go in for a methotexrate shot to stop the development of whatever it is, wherever it is, and the shot can harm poorly functioning livers.

Unfortunately, my beta this morning increased to 2100, so we have an appointment this evening at 6:30 at the hospital to get the shot.

Just to clear up some confusion about why I am getting the shot even though it seems like something is developing still, I'll try to explain a few things. In a normal pregnancy, the beta will go up about 66% every 48 to 72 hours for the first few weeks. 85% of women follow this guideline, but 15% do not. I was close for a few of my beta's, which is why I held on to the hope that I was part of that 15%. My initial beta of 24 at about 13 days past ovulation was low, but you have to start somewhere, and I was hoping it just implanted late. I also didn't know the exact date of ovulation, so I could have been even earlier, and there the justification for my low numbers began.

So, my numbers would almost double, not double, almost double, not double, etc., but keep going up. However, they weren't going up fast enough. My beta yesterday of 1955 was taken on a day where I was at very earliest (according to my justifications) six weeks two days pregnant, and at latest, six weeks six days pregnant. The normal beta range for six weeks zero days is between 1080 and 56,500 mIU. I was in range, but barely.

After my beta this morning of 2100, things were essentially confirmed. A rise of only 150-ish in 24 hours is a failed pregnancy.

I have no question that this isn't viable at this point. If I stop trying to justify everything and make my numbers work, I'd be seven weeks today, and nothing is supporting that - beta numbers or ultrasound.

The good news is that this chapter is finally coming to a close and the next chapter is beginning. We are still on the list for the September IVF / Donor Egg seminars which means we're still on schedule for a December / January IVF. This threw a wrench in to the machine, but luckily it wasn't a big wrench.

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