You know how when you were a little kid at Christmas time you wanted to peek inside your gifts? Maybe you'd shake them around a bit to try and guess what's inside? You'd look for a little rip in the wrapping paper that might give you a little clue as to what it is? Sometimes you'd try and carefully peel the tape away and take a look inside because it was SOOOOOO hard to wait until Christmas Day!
That's me right now. I'm 10DPO and I really, really, really want to test. Even though I know it's probably too early, I still want to do it. I even said to myself the day of the IUI that this month I wouldn't even think about it, but nope, as soon as the second week rolls around, I start obsessing. Chances of a successful IUI go down the more you do, and my logical brain knows this, but my emotional brain keeps up that everlasting hope.
If I'm honest with myself, I realize that all the symptoms I have are ones that I have every month, so they don't mean anything. I'm getting mild cramps, which happens every month. My boobs are on FIRE, but that's totally normal too. But why is it that I convince myself that it's different this time?
I'm starting to prepare myself for moving on and taking a break for a few months. I do have things to look forward to this summer, and it will be nice to not be burdened by a thermometer, or OPKs, or doing IUIs, but I think I'll also miss it. I'll miss the hope.
Oh, I so know where you are at the moment. It's so hard, the waiting, isn't it? Thinking every twinge *could* be something significant.
ReplyDeleteI've been taking a break from the CBFM for the last couple of months, and it's been...nice, I guess. But I miss the knowing, and I miss having hope at the end of the month, because I don't really think we've tried hard enough at the right time (because I can't tell because my spreadsheets for this month are blank).
For our IVF cycle I started testing at about 10 days post retrieval (which equates to 10DPO). I think I got my first faint line at 11...which I saw a few hours after I did the test and convinced myself it was an evaporation line. Guess it wasn't. By 13, it was obvious.
I'm not trying to get your hopes up, and only you know if it would be better to wait and get a definitive answer, or test now, and every day until you know...
Will be thinking of you.